#don't know if the writers thought about all of this but I did and it's f*cking poetic and tragic
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I hate how everything is so Night Court centric but at this point the only thing I want to read about is Eris Vanserra and his scheming.
Do you guys remember when he hinted to Cassian that there might be tunnels underneath Ramiel? What does he think is there? Is it supposed to help him overthrow his father? Is that why he allied himself with NC?
What does he think about Rhysand insulting High Lord least like to join his cause at the start of the meeting? And most importantly what does he think about Helion? Does he know about Lucien's parentage? WHAT DID AZRIEL WHISPER TO HIM?! I NEED TO KNOW.
How does he feel about his allies killing his soldiers? And torturing them BEFORE letting Eris know they were found? Did he ever thought if they were conscious or not while the crown controlled their bodies? How did he feel when he found out (through being under crowns control himself) that they were very much aware of what was happening around them?
And do we remember how Tamlin dragged Beron to war and basically lead Autumn Court's army? He would make far better ally than Rhysand. Night Court currently doesn't really offer Eris anything and keeps important information from him while getting information from Autumn Court. Is that why he insisted that Rhys should be more worried about Tamlin's wellbeing?
What sort of alliances was he able to secure within Autumn Court? Does he have his own "inner circle"? How much raw power does he posses and how much sway does he have in court matters?
I want him to see Hewn City and Illyria and decide that it's not the type of High Lord he wants to be.
I want to see how other characters view Eris without the weight of this Mor story (where is still don't get why anything is his fault). What did he give Keir?
I want the all the politics to finally make sense!
The worst thing is that to read it I will probably have to write it myself. And I'm not a writer.
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I have some thoughts about the idea of forgiveness and moving on we see in media and fans. The thoughts mostly come from being in therapy and spending time with people who specialize in those fields and helped me come to terms with my own pain.
This can very well be taken in general but is mostly about Vi.
Right. So.
Vi is a genuinely interesting character, who has gone through hell and back to put it lightly. She lives in conditions in the undercity that has people who don't live in them wear masks to handle them. She grew up and saw her parents die, which means she had to step up. Vander did adopt her, her sister, Mylo and Claggor but Vander still put a lot of responsibilities on Vi. She was told she cannot be selfish when people look up to her.
Then, of course, the entire act 1 of season 1 happens, which in itself is already very much and not something that should have ever happened to anyone, let alone a kid/teenager. She then, on TOP of all of this, got thrown into Stillwater after seeing her entire family die (and presumed Powder also as dead, although she continued to hope), where she was canonically beaten, starved, put into isolation and... the rest is up to interpretation because I guess the writers did not care. But that interpretation is not a good one.
What I am trying to say with all of this is that Vi has been put through so much by the system and by people (Enforcers get a special mention here) all around her.
This gets me to the point. I see a lot of people, the writers themself even, talk about how Vi needs to (or already did) forgive and move on. And I just wonder where this idea comes from?
In all my time in therapy, no matter what and who I talked about, you know what I have never heard? That I need to forgive.
What I heard instead was rather close to this:
"What happened was not your fault. It happened and can't be changed. But there is still something you can do, because you stand here now. You can imagine yourself back then and guide yourself. Hold yourself and tell the younger version of you that what happened isn't ever going to be fine but that you are still here and that you need to be kind to yourself." She told me "take the hand of your younger version and walk her through it because in the end it will have always happened but you can choose to help yourself"
There is a lot more she told me, but that is between her and me. What I am trying to say with this is that not once did I ever get told that I need to forgive the people involved. I am also not trying to say that doing this works for everyone, because health does not work this way. The point I am making is that I find it incredibly weird that we came to the point of saying that the only way to let go is to forgive, when that could not be further from the truth.
I would say understanding it happened and being kind to yourself does a lot more than trying to forgive people who hurt you so much that it ends in you being broken to what seems beyond repair (it isn't I have learned that much, lol). That's what my therapist taught me.
Which brings me back to Vi and why I find the notion of "she needs to forgive and move on to get better" or the writers writing "she forgave and moved on" so weird.
What happened to her is not something that can be forgiven. And... that is okay. Or it should be okay. But for some reason it isn't?
I mean if you can and want to forgive that is for you to do but to say that it is a (or even THE) way to move on does not sit right with me. At all.
#i just saw someone on here saying vi forgave and moved on#it rubbed me the wrong way because I genuinely do not know where this idea comes from???#where is the “you don't need to accept an apology” crowd????? because we need you right now#the idea that forgiveness is the only way to move on is so strange and I hate that it is so popular.#mental health#therapy#trauma#forgiveness#fandom#fandom discussion#tw heavy topics#content warning#media#writing#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane season 1#vi#she deserves so much better#better writers better fans better everything#vi arcane#character analysis#analysis#vander#stillwater#caitlyn kiramman#arcane critical#jinx#thinking thoughts#fandom culture
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Would it be possible to get Valeria with a homebody writer (specifically romance writer maybe) partner?
This is totalllly not self indulgent at all, but I feel like the scenario you write where she broke into the readers house (which I loved btw) and becomes her stowaway would probably be the only way they meet lol, it's also possible that she could see the writer in a coffeeshop somewhere and have a meet cute but that doesn't really seem like her style to me :(
Feel free to change this up in any way you want I'm just throwing my ideas out from my mind palace
Yeah, I feel like meeting Valeria would be a little difficult unless it was some kind of home invasion type of scenario. Meet Cutes aren't her style sadly
Tags/Warnings: Kidnapping, WLW, Reader Gets Knocked Around, Fangirl Valeria
Meet Cute
Human error is unavoidable, like misspelling a word or grammatical errors. Even with a proof-reader, things are bound to slip past notice. Mistakes will be made eventually, no matter how careful a person is. You're tossed to the cement floor harshly, pain blossoming in your ribs from the impact. The sac over your head prevents you from seeing anything. Your ears ring, making it impossible to make out the low muttering of male voices.
No one is truly aware of how quickly things can change. Having four walls and a door often provides one with a false sense of security. Of safety. You thought you were safe. You were a bit reclusive. Preferring to be inside where the variables of life are easier to control. Even in a city like Las Almas. The environment that night was perfect for writing. Dark and slightly stormy. You were curled up on your couch, laptop in your lap with inspiration flowing from your pores. The first draft for your latest sapphic romance novel was almost completed.
Without any warning your front door was kicked open. The locks proving to be completely useless. You screamed and fought as masked men stormed inside. However, it was a short-lived battle. One punch to the temple was all it took to take the fight from you.
You're not given any time to catch your breath or get your bearings. Your grabbed by rough hands and dragged somewhere else. You're lifted and placed into a chair, hands tied behind you. Footsteps fade as the men leave you bound and blind. The only sound now being your own breathing and the frantic beating of your heart.
Waiting is the worst part. The dread of what's to come will never compare to what will actually happen. You're never going to finish your book. The second in your series. Your readers will never get to know what happens to the two main leads. Maybe it's your writing that got you here. You had gotten death threats before. As well as other types. As was the risks of writing the things you do. The situation almost reminds you of the story you posted to the internet when you were too young to be on it. A flawlessly witty girl is kidnapped by a stereotypically masculine guy. They fall in love.
You doubt there will be any love here though. Love doesn't flourish where death and decay feast. Finally, you hear footsteps approaching. Firm and confident. The door slides open and people enter, the room becoming heavy with tension.
"You thought you'd get away with stealing, hm?" A woman asks. You frown. You don't recall stealing anything. "Thought you were smarter than me?"
The bag is ripped from your head, and you recoil at how bright the lights are. You blink at the sight of the visibly angry woman in front of you. Reeking of violence and danger. Maybe it's because of all the questionable romantic leads you've written but there's something alluring about her. Though her being attractive doesn't make you less frightened.
She almost looks as confused as you feel. Brows furrowed into a frown. She says your name, which doesn't bode well for you.
"... I didn't steal from you." You say softly. Hoping to pacify the situation. "At least not knowingly, if I did I can replace it or give it back." You promise. The woman doesn't respond, just continues to gawk at you.
The silent staring is beginning to get uncomfortable. The two men she brought with her exchange confused glances. Clearly something isn't going the way it should.
"You wrote Stardust." She says finally. Your face warms with embarrassment. You're proud of what you write but it still feels... weird to have people talk about it. You furrow your brows. You didn't think a woman that looks like her would be in your audience.
"... Yeah, I uh, did." You nod awkwardly.
She puts her gun back into its holster. "I have all your books." She says. Surprising you.
The woman turns to the men beside her.
"This isn't the right woman you fucking idiots! I even gave you a picture how did you mess up?" She hisses at them. You almost deflate with relief at those words. A mistake. A simple case of human error. "Get out." She snaps. The men nod and leave quickly. Ashamed or afraid that they messed up. She turns back to you with an appraising eye.
"... Do you like them?" You ask.
Her brows furrow. "What?"
"My books." You clarify nervously.
She walks behind you.
"One of my guilty pleasures is romance," She starts. "it's a nice escape from the grueling, bloody reality of my life."
"That's... nice." You reply. She didn't really answer your question.
"I'm picky though, I'll drop a book easily if the characters do something I think is stupid."
Oh. She's probably going to chastise you for writing idiots - which admittedly, you have. In some of your earlier books. The ropes loosen, freeing your hands.
"But I like the way you write people." She praises. "They're realistically stupid."
You bring your hands to your lap and inspect your wrists. The soft skin is a little red.
"Oh, thank you." You say, blinking gratefully. She walks back in front of you.
"This was a misunderstanding." She says, voice soft and placating. You look at her and wonder if this is a trick. You rise to your feet.
"All good." You smile. Though it's actually not all good. You're shaken. Your home was broken into and you were kidnapped. However, saying that might not bode over well.
"... So is Stardust getting a sequel?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at you.
She has a very intense stare. You have to look away because staring into her dark brown eyes is starting to make you uncomfortable.
"I'm in the process of writing it, actually." You tell her. "Well, the draft."
She continues to stare at you. "Do you think you could add me into the book?"
You frown. "Yeah, sure I could do that." You nod reluctantly. This woman scares you and you'd hate to disappoint her.
"I shouldn't tell you my name, but I just love you and your writing so much," She admits. "I'm Valeria."
You nod.
"Valeria." You repeat. "Nice to meet you, I suppose."
Valeria nods and cracks a small smile. "Great. Why don't I take you home now then?" She says, herding you towards the door. You try to protest against that, not really wanting her to know where you live. Though considering her people had taken you from your home in the first place, she probably already knows. Your words fall on deaf ears. Valeria is determined to escort you home safely. Wanting to spend a little one on one time with her favourite author.
#valeria garza#valeria garza x reader#valeria garza x fem!reader#cod mw2#valeria garza cod#modern warefare ii#cod mwii#cod x reader#valeria garza x you#cod
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I've never been a writer but I saw a post about Sirius' silver eyes and couldn't get this out of my head...so here's an attempt at something. (I also tried to write it into a @wolfstarmicrofic prompt)
first heartbreak - wolfstar - word count: 743
Remus chews on the nib of his quill as he re-reads the same sentence for the fifth time, ignoring the wet feeling on his lips as the ink is surely staining them.
He'd told the other marauders he had an essay to write, but really he just needed a moment to think. It had been impossible to keep his thoughts straight, all he could think about was those-
"Moony?"
His head snaps up and there they are, those eyes.
A grey storm pulling you into it's depths, keeping you trapped. They look colder today, or maybe he's just imagining because he feels cold looking at them. He watches as Sirius graze flicks down to his lips and he realizes he's still chewing on his quill. Sirius watched Remus wipe at his mouth with the cuff of his robes before meeting his eyes again.
"Can we talk?"
Sirius’ voice cracks a little at the end as he shifts nervously from foot to foot. He's clearly uncomfortable with Remus’ gaze on him which is exactly why Remus doesn't look away. He did this, Sirius did this so he can deal with the consequences. He resides to make the other boy suffer a little longer before he finally looks away, his voice coming out harsh and cold.
"No."
He can hear Sirius fidget on the other side of the table as he shuffles around to pack up his things.
He's not looking back up but he's very aware that he's being watched.
“Please, moony-"
Don't call me that!"
The words comes out as more of a growl and he almost flinches at the harshness of his own voice but he's bad enough.
"You lost any right to call me that when you decided to go and do this prank"
He says the last word with so much venom that, despite not looking at him, it's noticeable his Sirius flinches at the harshness of it.
"Remus…please I just want to talk.. just let me-“
"What?"
He can't help but interrupt as the anger builds in him. The moon just passed but the wolf isn't quite gone yet and Sirius is not helping him control his anger. He can hear the other boy open and close his mouth trying to get his words out.
"I just want to talk…”
But Remus has had enough, as he picks up the last book he finally looks up to meet Sirius' eyes and the mistiness of them is almost enough to make him falter. The grey of the storm is nothing new but they're not supposed to be accompanied but the ocean surrounding the storm.
But then he remembers how he once compares those eyes to silver. Silver which usually hurts him, but not this silver. Not those eyes, they were always so kind and made him feel safe. And the anger comes back in full force.
" You want to talk so bad? Sure let's talk”
And Remus can't hold it back anymore; he lets all his emotions from the past few days spill out. He lets Sirius have it all because he deserves to know how much he hurt Remus.
"Let's talk about how you did the worst thing imaginable and went and told my secret, huh?
Not only that but you went and told it to snivellus of all people! And for what? For a stupid bloody prank? You could have gotten him killed? You could have gotten me killed? If the ministry found out...do you even realize how bad this could have been? I TRUSTED YOU! And what did you do with that trust? Turned around and spat it back in my face apparently.”
Sirius opens his mouth ready to answer my Remus just raises a hand silencing him as he shakes his head.
"No. Just no. I'm done. Leave me alone Black."
He sees the impact of the name and a small part of him relishes the sight of the other boy's pain. He loves him so deeply and so dearly and that's why this hurts so much.
He turns and heads towards the exit. Despite hearing Sirius call after him he doesn't slow down until he's gotten far away from that voice. From those beautifully dangerous eyes. He doesn't know where he's going, just away from the hurt.
Sirius' eyes was the only silver that didn't hurt Remus. They were safe until they weren't. Then they hurt more than any other silver ever had.
#sirius' silver eyes that didn't hurt remus until they did!#remus lupin#sirius black#marauders#marauders era#the marauders#wolfstar#dead gay wizards from the 70's#remus x sirius#microfic#wolfstar microfic#first microfic#the prank#the prank aftermath
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from nan pai san shu's POV (he uploaded the video to weibo):
none of us had any idea that he was actually filming zly on stage himself lol. and he must be very happy because zly actually spotted him.
i didn't find any sources on this yet, but i've seen some netizens talking about how npss wants to work with zly again. and we zly fans were like: yes if you are going to work on projects like belief (2021).
if you don't know, npss' company was one of the production companies behind zly's 2021 show belief.
i've read that the original novel has the two male leads in their 20s, but nobody in the production team thought any actors in their 20s could have handled the complex roles or acting, so they changed the characters and made them middle aged men. as a result, they were able to have zly as the first male lead and nie yuan as the second male lead. so you know, age is never a problem.
also did you notice tibetan sea flower actors in belief (of course, zhang fan is in three body as well)?
i think at this point nobody can deny the fact that npss is a zly fanboy (if you haven't read about how they meet in 2016, here you go). there's no shame in it. we all know zly is award winning director yang lei's muse lol.
so, so far we have three showrunners that's obsessed with zly: yang lei/杨磊, xu bing/徐兵, xu lei/徐磊 (npss), and did you notice the bold blue characters? the inside joke is that if you are a writer/producer/director with either xu/徐 or lei/磊 in your name, you might be "cursed" to be obsessed with zly LOLLOLLOL...and npss actually have both characters in his name, so maybe he's the most obsessed one LOL. i kinda want to put him in a "i love zly more" competition with yang lei.
ps. we all know these airing platforms' own awards don't mean nothing. but at least it's good to know that tencent is happy with tsf and zly. and i also suspect that they invited zly this year to make up to the fact that he didn't go to their event for three body last year. and i'm rather glad that he kinda paused for a sec and raised the trophy when he said "scifi". i'm pretty sure he was thinking about three body. and i'm glad du haitao (the host) mentioned three body <3.
Zhang Luyi at Tencent's 2024 All Star Night on 2025/01/04
#zhang luyi#edward zhang#cdrama#chinese drama#tibetan sea flower#dmbj#the lost tomb#daomu biji#adventure behind the bronze door#belief#藏海花#前行者#npss#nan pai san shu#xu lei#南派三叔#kunsposts#three body
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.
The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.
That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you.
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away.
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative ×2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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Another JWCT season 2 Kenlynn analysis because I'm obsessed and I don't know if the writers are geniuses, or if I'm getting worked up over a whole lot of nothing 😂.
So, bear with me.
Kenji's arc in season 2 is clear from the first episode: he's throwing himself at danger because of the losses he's suffered. He's broken.
But in all that sadness, he has one last glimmer of hope: Bumpy's egg.
He's the one the most attached to it, even more so than Ben. After all these losses, it's the first sign of something good happening in his life. It's the contrary of death, a birth, "someone" new he can love.
During the entire season he's the most concerned with the egg, obsessed with getting it back, almost dying for it (more on that later).
Now flashfoward to episode 8: he discovers that Brooklynn is alive.
When he finds out, he's confused, hurt, mad, shook to his core (but props to the animators, for a split second...you can see that he is just... so happy).
"She's alive?"
But the hurt and feeling of betrayal is too hard for him to grasp, so he pushes all his feelings away. He knows it's not the time.
And what does he do in order to push away his feelings about Brooklynn?
He focuses on the egg, as we established the only thing in his life which isn't tarnished or hurtful. And he desperately needs it right now, now that his whole world is crumbling down even more. This shift in his priorities is shown when he says this:
"The eggs... Brooklynn took Bumpy's egg..."
At this point, Kenji's motivations are still unclear, but this line suggests that his main goal, the thing the most important to him at this moment is the same as it was at the beggining of the season, aka getting Bumpy's egg back... not getting to Brooklynn.
So when he goes berserk, driving like a madman, running as if his life depended on it to get to Brooklynn, of course we have the feeling that he wants to see her, but he's also running to achieve his objective, which has always been to take care of Bumpy's egg, and it just so happens that Brooklynn is the one obstacle to his goal.
We can see he's desperate, but it's left to interpretation as to exactly why.
Until he finally catches up to Brooklynn.
It's Brooklynn's hand he grabbs, not the case. The thing he wanted the most is in his direct reach, yet he grabbs her hand. In this moment, he completely forgets about the egg, not even sparing it a glance, not mentionning it even once.
"Brooklynn..."
All that matters to him is that the girl he loves is there, in front of him, which he thought would never happen again.
We finally have the confirmation that the reason he was so eager to run to that airport wasn't to get the egg back, but to see her. And not to get mad at her, no, just to... get her back.
And then, Brooklynn leaves.
She leaves them, but she leaves him. It's him she looks at the last, his grasp she frees herself from, him who utters her name afterward.
They're still at the center of the scene, and the scene is a direct call back to the break-up scene (also... their colors are matching, it's like not even a little subtle, which tells me there's a reason Brooklynn wore a dark blue shirt the entire season...which is SO NOT her color).
Notice how even there, it's Ben who remembers to ask Brooklynn to give them the egg.
"Wait! Bumpy's egg... it's in that case..."
It's SO FAR from being something Kenji can focus on right now, now that Brooklynn is in front of him.
We then find out that before boarding the plane, Brooklynn has given Kenji the egg. Not Ben (who was the one who asked for it), not Darius, but Kenji.
...And Kenji looks the most heart-broken he has ever looked.
He has just gotten his hands on what he thought he wanted the most, his ultimate goal this season, the very thing he threw himself into fire for, into an ocean beaten by the storm... and yet he's not even looking at it, his eyes instead watching the plane take off with Brooklynn inside.
He's gotten what he thought he wanted, but at what price?
It's not to diminish his link to Bumpy's egg. As I've shown, he risked his life countless times for it. But it just goes to show just how much Brooklynn matters to him. In that last scene, it's made clear that the thing he wanted the most, was for her to come back to them, to him. But she didn't, and gave him the egg to make up for it, as some sort of consolation price.
But it's not, and it will never be.
#I'm soooo over interpreting but idc#don't know if the writers thought about all of this but I did and it's f*cking poetic and tragic#he loves her so much#and I love them so much#romeo and juliet who?#no shade to Bumpy's egg#we love Bumpy's egg#kenlynn#jwct#jwct season 2#jwcc#camp cretaceous#chaos theory#chaos theory spoiler#dreamworks#jurassic park#jurassic world#analysis#kenji kon#darius bowman#yasmina fadoula#sammy gutierrez#ben pincus#brooklynn jwct
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My name is [BRUTUS] and my name means [HEAVY] so with a [HEAVY] heart I'll guide this dagger Into the heart of my enemy
Something about having absolutely no choice in who you marry. About being literally forced by the law to spill blood - to accept this stranger as your husband over a man you truly care for or accept the fact that the man you love might die because you put him in danger. Something about risking becoming the wife of a man you've never even seen before a few minutes prior because you know anything would be better than putting your beloved in harm's way. Something about the trust inherent in that decision and in the way she speaks of it after. Truthfully, T'Pring doesn't know the captain and she doesn't know Spock. Either one of them could have taken her as their wife but she does know Stonn. She knows that Stonn will remain by her side no matter what. They made a plan together. They have an agreement which T'Pring believes will be upheld even though the plan changed with the arrival of Kirk. Stonn will always be there, always, and Stonn will be hers. Something about the language used around T'Pring: Ownership, subservience, non-personhood. T'Pring is an object that Spock can win. She cannot reject him, she has no say in the matter other than having Stonn 'claim' her instead. Even when Spock leaves after being very clearly rejected by T'Pring he says "Stonn, she is yours." as if despite her clear rejection he still owns her and is must formally 'give' her to Stonn. But the language T'Pring uses around Stonn is a break from that: "There was Stonn who wanted very much to be my consort, and I wanted him." Stonn who wanted very much to be HER consort and she WANTED him. The language here is very particular - It's not, for example: "Stonn wanted me to be his wife" - he is HERS. And she WANTS him. There's a mutual affection there and a strong trust - a trust which seems to be well founded since Stonn (though silent) stands by her side at the end of the episode. <- That might seem small but if Spock would reject her for 'daring to challenge' (again, the language is not 'because I don't want you' but more of an implied disgust at her having the AUDACITY to reject him) then it's not a stretch to assume that it'd be considered an insult in the TOS Vulcan society to NOT choose Stonn as her champion after a prior agreement. Anyway T'Pring was a woman in an impossible situation within a society which saw her as more of an object than a person and she wanted Stonn and Stonn wanted to be hers and she trusted that he would understand if she had to publicly pick someone else to ensure his life would be spared and he did understand.
#amok time#T'Pring i s....T'Pring she....-puts my head through a wall-#PLEASE read under the cut for my rambling about T'Pring in amok time pleasepleaseplease#tired of 'T'Pring is evil/a bitch' and VERY uninterested in 'T'Pring is a girlboss'#T'Pring is a person in a society which doesn't think she has the right to make her own choices who's in [love] with a man who [loves] her#back in what I'd like to think is implied to be a slightly subversive way in its mutual and fervent nature (whether the writers thought#this was a good or bad thing - who knows. We know better RIGHT??)#and yes I will stylize T'Pring's hair differently every single time I draw it HEHEHE#star trek tos#Spock#T'Pring#also of COURSE something something spock/kirk & stonn/t'pring parallels: To keep your beloved safe you have to force someone else to kill#theirs - not BC you hate him (you don't) but you don't love him either and why does HE get to have you even if you don't want him?? Why doe#he get to 'give' you to the person YOU chose?? It's not a hatred on a person level (which I wanted to portray with the 'brothers') portion#but a sort of societal embodying.#I will think about T'Pring not wanting to be 'the consort of a legend' every damn day !!!#They really could have laid it on thick in making her evil guys...T'Pau even makes a comment about Spock's 'vulcan blood is thin'#but all T'Pring says is that Spock is a legend and she doesn't want that for her life. She wants Stonn.#And you're gonna sit there and you're gonna tell her that she's wrong!??? Spock doesn't even want to be with her!! Why is she so hated!?#CAN WE FREE MY GIRL??? She did all that but it's being read in the worst faith possible!!#comix page#bea art tag#star trek art#She literally says the word 'FREE'...she's TRAPPED!!!
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30 NOVEMBER, 2019 • ZATERDAG, 09:41
#wtFOCK#Skam#Zoë Loockx#Senne De Smet#Zoenne#LOVE HURTS#Veerle Dejaeger#Nathan Naenen#wtFOCKEdit#SkamverseDaily#SkamRemakesEdit#s3#3x08#I remember people coming to talk to me about this clip the day it dropped bc they were happy about it and I was like…#have we watched the same clip? excuse me I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart from the floor#no but really I understand them both so deeply here it’s the worsttttt 💔#first she’s making the right decision but that doesn’t make it a happy moment. it’s SO SAD SHE IS HAVING TO MAKE THIS DECISION SHE’S 16!#OFC if we were still in Zoë’s POV this would have never been an issue but the writers really thought they’d convince me +#my babies had unlearned how to communicate SMH they were the best at it okay? this right here is EFFING BULLSHIT#but considering it’s what they were going for I get why they’re acting the way they’re acting and it hurts#because Zoë thinks Senne wants for her to make Viktor pay for everything he’s done wrong in his life and she’s feeling like her own trauma#and how hard it still is for her to talk about it isn’t being acknowledged by him…#and Senne oh he really wants her to do it bc 1- he feels that what went on is his fault & he desperately needs his half brother to PAY +#FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER! HE’S KNOWN THE GUY HIS WHOLE LIFE (PROBABLY KNOWS THE ACCIDENT IN THE PAST MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN AN ACTUAL ACCIDENT)#they have history and that makes everything even more awful bc he doesn’t understand why Zoë doesn’t feel like testifying#I don't believe that Senne would have been this incisive hadn't he ~known~ her ab*ser#I mean I think he would have accepted her decision way more easily if he didn't feel responsible for what happened 😔#she’s been feeling all alone in her anguish and at the same time starts pushing him away#it’s painful to see how the two of them are trying here. He’s so trying to support her no matter what#and she’s so trying to be strong for herself but her eyes are teary she can barely look at him it’s too much 😭❤️🩹
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No no ikr. The ENT fandom is so quiet around here. And honestly I'm just excited to see art of my favourite dudes, because we rarely get fanart around here, and when we do it's usually Trip or T'Pol solely. Malcolm gets left in the dust quite a lot so I'm happy you drew him as well - and so well done too!
Anyway, ramble over, lol.
OMG... Well I think I can see why a lot of fanart is of Trip and/or T'pol (those two seem like they're doing some heavy lifting for the show/are just a lot of people's faves. I've got a few half baked ideas in mind for them myself.) but the rest of the crew as a whole do deserve more love I think! :]
#(I'm hijacking this ask to talk about some ENT thoughts in the tags LMAO sorry 😭🙏)#I've been watching it for the first time with some friends who are also watching it for the first time with me like 90% of the time.#When Reed was introduced we did our silly little “omg. why is he british 😰” jokes but personally-#he has grown on me a lot. Very much my type of character so far I think... :]#ive got a few sketches involving him that wont see the light of day because they require five levels of inside jokes from my watch party 😭#but god. for the most part I like all the main crew characters#the only one I'm not 100% on is archer and i dont even know how to articulate why.#like I don't HATE him. but he is also very fun to dunk on.#and i enjoy scott bakula very much. its crazy how like. not intriguing or charming I find his depiction of archer mmmmmost of the time#which sucks bc i KNOW it could be awesome. but its not really there for me yet.... oh well.#but god. i wish i could go back in time and force some improvements into the way the show was handled.....#my list of demands. quit the excessive sexualisation of t'pol and hoshi. can we PLEASE stop underutilising mayweather. and honestly-#i think a bit more dramatic visual variety between the main human cast would help a bit#now its time to end MY ramble yet again 😭 i feel like if i talk about ent for too long i'll inevitably start complaining-#despite me still having a mostly enjoyable time... all that stuff just really feels kicked up to 11 compared to previous treks tho 😔#but its only bc i care 💔 i see so much potential where the writers really borked their shit#telegraff#themurdochmemesteries#i might get around to a few more doodles or meme redraws but i can never guarantee anything when I have a whole queue of stuff-#that needs to be done before I can draw whatever I want. but by god. the ideas and concept drafts are there. 💪💪💪😤#:] <3
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It’s so refreshing to see someone also sharing the same sentiment that Veilguard really just felt like smth for solavellan’s or even ppl who are huge fans of solas and not for other ppl (especially ppl who romanced Dorian)
Yeah... they gassed up the solas arc so much for this game and then it was. so nothing if again you didn't make the choices the devs obviously wanted you to make. And the game isn't even for huge fans of solas really, i'm personally a big solas fan, I think he was an incredible character and i loved his friendship with my inquisitor but because i wanted to explore choices that it seems trick weekes was just not interested in writing i got fucked over. Like i'm still reeling from the fact that if ROOK. NOT EVEN THE INQUISITOR. decides to not redeem solas the inquistor/solas relationship (whether antagonistic or friendly) just never gets resolved. I wanted a 20 min argument where my inquisitor after 7 long years of turning around that last interaction he had with solas in his mind got to ask him VERY important questions like "did our friendship ever really matter?", "did you ever really stop seeing me as subhuman?" and what i DESPERATELY needed "if the qunari hadn't forced you out of hiding, would you have come to save me from the anchor?" but they stuck varric into the role that should've been the inquisitor's so i got nothing 😐
+ What they did to us dorianmancers was so insulting my blood boils every time i think about it again. The inquisitor is in minrathous. Dorian is in minrathous. We never get a proper reunion with those two and they also have the audacity to dangle that shit in front of our faces with the "yes i know u will be in minrathous" line in dorian's letter. The inquisitor doesn't even MENTION dorian to rook when he's in the city, the city can be overrun with venatori, half of it can be destroyed and we don't even get a voiced concern over the man he loves???????? sick and fucking twisted the way this game actually had me missing dav*d gaid*r's writing but it did.
#datv spoilers#anyway sorry for the tangent <3#its just. when i saw the only three worldstate choice thing i was so concerned over what that would mean for the dao/da2 choices#and the dai decisions not mentioned in the three worldstate options#but surprisingly (because they just did away with the entire da lore tbh) those were almost. fine#def not offensive#but never in a million years would i have ever thought that they were going to fuck up those three bullshit choices u do get to make#and in the way they fucked them up#like the devs now can say all they want about the higher ups not letting them do things but u stood there#and advertised those choices as something u could really create a great narrative with. and that was absolute bs#+ how hard would it have really been to write a couple of bullshit lines about solas being a danger#instead of the ''don't u think he can change 🥺" lines we got for the inquisitor#how hard would it have really been to LEAVE OUT harding's ''morrigan turned into a dragon'' line. how hard would it have been#to change the inquisitor for divine justinia in those stupid ass letters from the south#i do believe some of the shit writing was the tumultuous development this game had yes. but a lot of it was just because the writers#didn't know what they were doing/didn't care#sigh. sigh
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So I guess ultimately my question is why are we assuming that Nayuta specifically meant “Denji belongs to me definitively, and you are trying to take his attention away from me?”
Aside from the fact that narrative misdirection is a thing and that I think it would completely contradict all the themes of the story thus far to just have her be Makima 2.0 and inherently evil...
We don’t actually know if she and Yoru recognize each other or not? Even on a subconscious level. If she does recognize Yoru (and, reasonably, knows how her powers work) calling Yoru a thief could have meant that “You are trying to steal Denji’s spinal cord to make a weapon” or even “You have stolen this random girl’s body to use for yourself.” (Even if she doesn’t know specifically that Yoru is sharing Asa’s body, she might still be able to tell that something weird is going on?)
She’s still a child, she might have just impulsively said the smallest amount of words that would sort-of convey what she was feeling.
I’m not worried yet.
Yet.
#I know people are pointing to the 'don't kiss me in front of her' as evidence of her posessiveness over denji but. she's also a child?#lots of children just don't like seeing kissing in general. especially involving family members. it's also possible that...idk they were#watching a movie once with a kiss scene and she made a disgusted face or something and denji just interpreted that the wrong way#I mean. I know creators like to troll people especially ones who are essentially human cryptids like fujimoto but...he did say that part 2#would be different from part 1. idk he's not a stupid writer I don't think he would go this hard on Themes™ of love and connection and how#they enrich our lives and then backtrack on that? I don't think he would highlight how Things Will Be Different if it didn't mean anything?#MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL#I'm still sad we didn't get a discussion between yoru and nayuta about eating crayons I'm thinking too much about that one comic#nayuta#yoru#chainsaw man#chainsaw man spoilers#chainsaw man manga spoilers#csm spoilers#csm manga spoilers#csm chapter 119#(I think that's all of the tags people might have reasonably blocked if they don't want manga spoilers???)
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Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff
#jjk spoilers#All the prettiest characters were brought back from apparent death#Nobara was okay and it's true that when I read the lawyer's and Kusakabe's fights against Sukuna I thought it was being kept vague#but to pull a Nobara with all of them... idk#No one stays dead here except for the people who actually care for the kids and by that I mean 'including Yuuji'#kinda lowkey bitter about it#Don't get me wrong I like the characters and also they're super pretty but idk It makes death feel cheap? And the high stakes kinda fake?#Choso Gojo and Nanami actual only characters who died apparently#Well. Poor Itadori#And Kusukabe goes and runs his mouth that way in front of the kid. He is not entirely wrong but also he very much is#And yes he also says 'don't worry it's not for you to feel guilty over anything you're just kids' but also he did very much say that thing#about it all being Gojo's fault for not killing Itadori. In front of Itadori who feels guilty for that precisely#and in front of Megumi who asked Gojo to spare him and also went through the experience of Sukuna using his body as well#So Kusukabe's reassurance about them just being kids and not to feel guilty falls a bit empty#It does feel in character but man it truly makes one appreciate the way Gojo and Nanami dealt with the kids a lot more haha#Ui Ui seems like a dear#Anyway... this chapter felt a bit lame for the most part for me? I like the idea of the characters discussing the could have/would have#and feeling guilt and helplessness over their choices but the way it was done felt a bit lame and without any real emotional punch#It felt more like an explanation to the reader in an awkward way. And there's a lot of empty chat about guilt and grief#without any of the characters really giving off a grieving air about everything and everyone they've lost#And this is precisely what I felt was going to happen with this manga's writing haha#I truly don't understand this kind of writing choices. Contrary to some other shonen writers this author did seem to have the potential#to write this kind of thing well besides the worldbuilding and powers and fight stuff. It's truly a pity. It so breaks my heart#And still this is considered one of the good shonens. Well. WELL haha#I do think shonen can be good! I just think it falls almost always even when there's potential into bery shallow writing#I don't know. Maybe I should read that one Alchemist manga#I've been repeatedly told that one's good and it does seem like it doesn't do... this. But I find the art style so not to my linking#I wish I had never gotten into JJK for real for real. I absolutely adore it. I always end up frustrated. It could be so good. Genuinely good#And yet it's just okay in a sort of forgettable way. What a pity#Everything good ever is present but it never dares do anything to fully explore what it sets. It just does the typical shonen stuff
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#voltron legendary defender#lotor#x men 97#sebastion gilberti#x men 97 bastion#I realized something so I made this low quality meme to express it#Before someone comes at me I've generalized some stuff so yeah I know there are nuances etc.#But you gotta admit that some similarities are there#And yeah I'm one of those who believe that Lotor did nothing wrong but writers screwed him over so we got what we got#but also also SEBASTION DID NOTHING WRONG LISTEN I'M NOT DELULU#When I say 'Sebastion' I don't mean 'Bastion'#WHEN I FINISH WRITING MY RANT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN#I just got so much thoughts and feels about him and#I'll probably be making a lot of assumptions from what little we know about his past etc.#but my thoughts about him are so loud I'm losing sleep so maybe once I write them all down I can finally rest
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i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.
#🍂 arian's shit#IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah#i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that#two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.#they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that#it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on#they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up#two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around#at least i think#the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is#so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice.#i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding#and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone#no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too#we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time#they love me. i am sure of it.#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.#it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World#i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent.#all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time.#even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this#i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person.#i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved.#i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love.#vent post#god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world#feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit#arian contemplates his universe
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i don't talk about alucard castlevania very often because the last season of castlevania was so bad to me that i just don't engage with the show anymore like that but make no mistake. i have many thoughts and opinions on that man.
#first of which is they should have treated him better 😭#like not out of a 'oh he's my favorite character he deserves everything' standpoint#he is and he does. but also What Was The Point Of All That 😭 like jesus christ!!!!!#castlevania writer voice what if we made him sit alone in his empty desecrated childhood home where he just killed his father#and then gave him some company. and then had that company gain his trust and sleep with him and then try to kill him During sex#and then he went insane! and killed a lot of people!#and then we fixed him by giving him a girlfriend :D#shut UP BRO SHUT UP#if you're gonna do all that. at least let him continue to be gay#not in a 'i don't believe he's bisexual' way but going 'yeah he has gay sex!' and then making the gay sex encounter end in gruesome murder#doesn't uh. doesn't really spell gay rights. can he have sex with a man in a way that ends with him not horribly traumatized#i don't like his relationship dynamic with that woman in the last season either but that's for different reasons.#i feel like he got steamrollered by her y'know :/ malewifed etc. etc. :/#she was a fine character i just didn't like the two of them together#or how it was framed as like. y'know. alucard just needed to get bossed around. that'll give him purpose again.#hey what if. if he was gonna kiss someone about it. he did that with the people that he bonded with and trusts and knows.#just a thought. ANYWAY#valentine notes
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